The international singer (Crossover-Classics) Alessandro Cipriano speaks about adoption and his life experiences|by Keneth Roberts, freelance writer (Boston) USA (Permission granted by Alessandro Cipriano). For Interviews please send us an email here…
Summary-Short Version of the Story-There is more to this story so kindly have a look at his biography in English » read more. If you have questions, Alessandro will be pleased to tell you his experiences. www.alessandrocipriano.com
Childhood, Origin and genealogical research. The singer-Alessandro Cipriano speaks about.
Early Years, Childhood – Today. Alessandro was born April 21st 1969 as Alessandro Bonaiti-Bühler and grew up in Switzerland. 2 month old he was adopted by his loving parents which gave him the second name André. His adopt. parents told him very early by the age of 5 or 6 that he was an adoptive child, they told him that he was something very special and bought children’s books about adoption with pictures to explain what it means to be an adoptive child. Today Alessandro knows who his biological parents are|were. Alessandro’s biological mother was Italian and his biological father is German (still around). Growing up in a humble family he learned early in life to stay independent. Years after, grown up, he wanted to know who he was and what his roots are. Not an easy way to find out. On one his vaccination card is written, Alessandro Bonaiti-Bühler, which is the name his biological parents gave him. There were not many information around that his adoptive parents could give him not even the birth time. Today, he knows the time when he was born. 9.25 am. The life of an adoptive child is like putting the pieces of a puzzle together, in many cases. … or to piece another one together, search for the right piece in order to get a complete life picture.
Review 2000-2003| At the age of 30 (Year 2000), he contacted an office in Bern (Capital City of Switzerland), they found Alessandro’s biological father, but they could not tell him anything more, except that his biological mother has died already and his biological father doesn’t want to be contacted. Difficult…..But he never gave up. 3 years later 2003 he tried again to contact the adoption office as well as one in Zurich and finally he succeeded. He found out who his biological parents were. His biological father went to an interview and gave them some information and documents he had.
The biological mothers (Picture) below name was Maria Giulia Bonaiti (she died at the age of 47). She was born in Lugano, South of Switzerland, her father was Italian (Rome) and her mother from Ticino-Italian part of Switzerland. Alessandro’s biological father Mr. Bühler 1941 (still around) was born in Birkenthal (Germany-East Prussia that time) today Bierkowice (Opole)Poland. In 1945, came the previously German town under Polish administration and was renamed Birkowice and connected Silesia voivodeship. In 1950, the village passed to the Opole Voivodeship. The place in the city of Opole was incorporated in 1975. Mr. Bühler’s father (German) and his mother with the (German-Jewish surname Goldapp) fled with the entire family during the Second World War. They had totally 9 children. (Update, August 20th 2012) Alessandro met his biological father for the first time after contacting him several times for years, finally he succeeded and they met). Alessandro always focuses his aims and fights for the things he wants. That’s just a small part of the Story more on the Homage.
Picture shows Alessandro and his biological Mother Maria Giulia Bonaiti (1930-†1977)
Alessandro’s story continues…But the best thing was that he also found three half-brothers (one is not around anymore), two half-sisters and one biological brother, Alessandro and his biological brother Bruno have the same mother and father. Alessandro and his brother first met just a couple of weeks after. His brother is married to an Italian woman and has a son. Unbelievable…after this experience, Alessandro’s whole life began to change. Beginning of 2009 he changed his artistic concept and profile. He changed everything, especially his style of music, his look and he changed his artist name to Alessandro Cipriano. He begun to live his life, the life he always felt deep inside his soul and heart. His adoptive parents always supported him in this process, the family has grown and Alessandro’s brother Bruno is like their own child today and they have a grandson and a lovely daughter in law (Carina). Alessandro always knew that he was different since being a child. Italy always had a special place in his heart also from the musical sight, and he loves the German language. He lived and studied in Vienna 1995-2002, he told me that he feels like homeless sometimes, crossing the border makes him happy and feeling free, “it’s like the life of a Gypsy, I could live anywhere” he says. Being an adoptive child is a challenge. Many times, people associate adoption with a childless couple and a newborn baby. They don’t think about all the emotional issues that surround an adopted child and adoptive parents. Families with adopted children face different challenges than those with just biological children. Even adopted children who feel positive about their adoption experience, can face a variety of emotions as they become teenagers. Typical rites of passage may have additional facets for adopted adolescents. They may question their identity and value, suffer from low self-esteem, and experience grief and loss. While some adopted teens are able to work through their feelings on their own or with their friends and family, others need professional help to deal with the range of emotions that arise.
Adoptive parenting can be more complex than parenting biological children can. Adoptive parents face unique challenges raising adopted children. While it is important for traditional parents to keep the lines of communication open with their children, it is even more crucial for adoptive parents, especially as adopted children become teenagers. Adopted teens will have additional issues to face as they mature into adults.
Alessandro is supporting adoption as he himself was adopted being just the age of two months old. He advises parents who cannot have any child not to be scared of going through an adoption process and to go for it. His own experiences show how important it is for a child to find a warm and good home and he is convinced that we should talk open-minded about it. Nevertheless it is very important that parents support their children in the search of their real parents because each child and person needs to know where the own roots are to be found to build up one’s identity.
Thanks to his fighting spirit and his patience he found the answers to these so important questions: who he is and what makes him being him. It took some trials to go through and there had also been times where things seemed to be difficult. Especially in such periods of life it is terribly important not to lose trust and the believe in succeeding, even if there are breaks needed in between to get some emotional rest and strength. Alessandro did always believe in his inner voice that told him not to give up. A child is a miracle of life and each one should find a loving home.
Alessandro’s search finally turned out to be a successful one. But as the picture shows, Alessandro and his biological Mother share a lot, and today… Alessandro knows everything, also the many things he inherited from his parents mostly from his mother. All 7 children had been given up for adoption and luckily all of them found a good home to grow up…There are also other relatives around in Italy and Ticino. Rome, Sicily and Lugano.
Alessandro loves his parents (he never calls them adoptive parents) “they are my loving parents,” he is very grateful how much they supported him in this process through all the years. God bless mom and dad.
Forming an Individual Identity. Adopted children especially teens have two sets of parents to compare themselves to when trying to establish their own individual identity. Rather than simply choosing to follow their adoptive parents’ rules, expectations, and principles, they may have multiple role models to consider. They may wonder which talents and physical characteristics and look came from their biological parents, and which habits, behaviors, and preferences came from their adoptive parents. During the teen years, adopted kids may become increasingly critical of their adoptive parents, sometimes isolating themselves or pulling away to find their “true” identity.
“A lot of adopted kids don’t think much about their adoption until the teenage years,” says Alessandro, “Then the identity questions come up, and they start wondering, ‘Why am I the way I am?'” Alessandro started questioning by the age of 17.
A Need for Personal Control. Adopted teens often feel that few of life’s biggest decisions have been within their control. The adults in their lives have determined who their parents will be, where and how they will live, how much they can or will know about their past, and so on. In order to regain some sense of control, some adopted teens act out, using drugs or alcohol or engaging in risky sexual behaviors to “take claim” over their own lives.
Feeling Like “I Don’t Belong.” Adopted teens face frequent reminders of the fact that they are different – they may look different from their family members, they are likely experiencing struggles that their non-adopted friends don’t have to deal with, and they sometimes feel like outsiders in their own home.
A Longing to Connect with the Past. It’s common for adopted teens to start to fantasize about their biological parents, thinking “they wouldn’t care if I smoke pot,” or “they wouldn’t set such unfair rules,” notes Shaw. The sense of loss for the parents they “should’ve” or “could’ve” had may set in as they envision an entirely different life for themselves. They may even feel guilty for grieving the loss of a family they never knew when they have a loving adoptive family at home. In some cases, these questions about the past lead the adopted teen to seek out information about their biological parents, while others withdraw into the feeling of emptiness or act out in order to cope.
What Can Adoptive Parents Do?
Raising adopted teens is a bit different than raising biological teens. For all teens, adolescence is a time of questioning who you are and where you come from, but for adopted teens, these issues can be more pronounced.
Experts advise adoptive parents to accept that being adopted is an important part of a teen’s history and should not be ignored or kept secret. The more open a family is to discussing the past and any issues arising from it, the better equipped the adopted teen will be to work through those issues free of shame or embarrassment. Teens cope better when their parents understand their curiosity about their history and allow them to express their grief, anger, and fear.
There are some topics and concerns that parents just don’t understand, and also some that teens just don’t understand. In those instances, talking to an outside party can be healing. A number of agencies provide post-adoption services that include books or workshops for adoptive families. Parents can also take advantage of adoptive parent support groups and encourage their child to attend support groups for adopted teens. In many cases, these additional avenues of support can be all that adopted teens need to successfully resolve their concerns.
In more complex cases, in which adopted teens begin using drugs or alcohol, underachieving in school, withdrawing from family and friends, taking risks, becoming persistently hostile or defiant, or otherwise acting out, professional help may be warranted. Wilderness programs and therapeutic boarding schools have proven particularly beneficial to adopted teens struggling with separation, low self-esteem, and defiance. Aspen Achievement Academy is a wilderness therapy program that has been helping adopted teens as well as other struggling youth for over 20 years to develop a meaningful sense of identity and reconnect with their families.
Although adopted teens may need extra support and guidance through the adolescent years, and some may benefit from therapeutic programs or visits with a psychologist, research and experience show that they will pull through the tough teen years and go on to live productive, enriching lives. Have faith in your child and the love you have put into raising him, and soon you’ll be admiring the fine adult he has become.